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Friendship & Care · July 29, 2025

The Gift of Showing Up

What friends taught our family about loving well in crisis—and practical ways to show up when someone you love is suffering.

I’ll never forget Colin walking back into the ER room where the oncologist had just shared the shocking and awful news, “Ambrose has leukemia.” He carried with him two bags filled with clothes, toiletries, blankets, pillows and food that dear friends had dropped off.

We had shared the update with these friends as soon as the news was given and they, without hesitating, showed up for us. They didn’t wait for us to ask or give guidance. They thought about and anticipated our needs and then acted.

I felt so loved pulling on my friend’s clothes and looking over at Colin as he donned the sweater given to him from literally right off the back of one of our other friends who had come by in the early hours of the diagnosis to check on us and Ambrose. Colin had been at a work conference and as simple as it sounds, being able to change into clean clothes without the need to leave our son’s side was one of the greatest gifts we have ever received.

More friends came. One brought a stuffed bunny for Ambrose, another showed up in the PICU with Chick Fil A, and a third booked a flight as soon as she found out and was by our side within 12 hours of the diagnosis. We had never felt so loved and seen, and so humbled by the sacrificial gift of the company of friends.

Friendship is priceless.

“One of the most beautiful affections is that of friendship; and every day I ought to thank God because he has given me men and lady friends of such goodness who form for me a precious guide for my whole life.“

~ Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati

It’s easy to hesitate and overthink our own actions, especially when it comes to meeting someone we love in a place of sorrow and suffering. “Do they want me there?” ” Is this the right time for me to come?” “Will I be in the way?” “I want to leave space for them to be with their family.” The list of doubts goes on. Some of these thoughts are valid. However, they also hinder the nourishment and encouragement that only friendship can provide to someone faced with crisis.

You don’t need to know the “right thing” to say. Go with the spirit of be willing to sit and listen. Oftentimes, especially in medical crisis or the loss of a loved one, there are no words to be said. Nothing will change what has happened and no promises can or should be made about outcomes changing for the positive.

The final thought: don’t ask expecting a helpful answer. Personally, I didn’t know what to ask for and I didn’t want to burden my family or friends. My mind was consumed entirely by the needs of my young son and I didn’t have the capacity to think past the four walls of the hospital. I did have needs, Colin had needs, Ambrose had needs, and our family did need help. We just didn’t know how to express it and, even when we did, we struggled with how to reach out for and then receive help. Not everyone is like this but if a friend is in crisis, it might be hard for them to put to words what would bless them.

Below are actions, and gifts, we received during Ambrose’s care that deeply impacted our family.

If a family member or friend is hospitalized ….

Actions

  1. Bring a meal or send a DoorDash/UberEats gift card
    • Hospitals usually limit meals to the patient and it can be hard to remember to eat let alone leave the beside to go to the cafeteria to grab a bite. The meals friends brought to the hospital or allowed us to order and have delivered were helpful throughout Ro’s diagnosis, inpatient chemotherapy, bone marrow transplant and ensuing PICU stays. We were also thankful for DoorDash gift card during the time Ro was receiving out-patient care. He would go in for clinic days and it made him so happy to anticipate a yummy lunch or snack as we waited the uncertain amount of hours for labs, platelet & blood transfusions, and chemotherapy administration.
  2. Visit them
    • Go to the hospital. Sit with them. If it’s an adult, bring a book, newspaper, or puzzle. If it’s a child, bring a small toy, book, or blanket. Don’t worry about the timing of the visit. Just go. If you show up and it’s a bad time, that’s okay. They’ll have known that you came and that will make all the difference.
  3. Clean their home
    • During Ro’s initial diagnosis and then month-long inpatient chemotherapy preparation for bone marrow transplant, several good friends coordinated cleaning our home. We lived at the hospital during this time and, while not far, it was difficult to leave to go back home. It was a tremendous gift to have good friends who we trusted helping us keep up with our home so that we could focus entirely on supporting our son.
  4. Offer to mow their lawn or help with landscaping
    • Anything other than being present with the decisions being made at the hospital quickly fell to the side. It was enough to keep up with incoming medical bills and other “life responsibilities” that are usually routine but can quickly become overwhelming while balancing the emotional and mental toll of navigating a serious health crisis. Not needing to worry about mundane household responsibilities like the lawn or plants is a gift. Send a note or a text that you’re helping once or twice a week and that kindness will come as a tremendous service
  5. Offer to do their laundry
    • This surprised us when living in the hospital: how much laundry could accumulate and how difficult it was to manage washing even with the machines available at the hospital. The main reason for the difficulty was that it was encouraged to remain down by the washers during the entire wash. With a 15 mo old, that wasn’t possible and, sometimes, his care became so intense that it was difficult to leave his side. Having friends graciously pick up, wash and bring back clean clothes was a tremendous gift.
  6. Offer to set up a GiveSendGo, GoFundMe, and/or CaringBridge
    • The medical bills and expenses of living out of normal routine add up. Moreover, the ability to communicate updates and ask for prayers is a singular gift.

Gifts

For Children

  1. Books
  2. Puzzles
  3. Cars
  4. Dolls
    • Magnetic Dolls
    • “Like Me” Doll
      • This surprised me but being gifted a doll to “take care of” helped Ambrose so much during his bone marrow transplant. He loved giving it a bottle and changing the diaper. He was 18 mo at the time.
  5. Interactive Games
  6. Crafts
  7. A stuffed animal or soft blanket
  8. Clothing such as socks, soft clothes, and even slippers are extremely helpful
  9. Bubbles
    • They’re just the best and bring so much joy.
  10. Toiletries/Personal Care
    • Toothbrush
      • Disregard if child is a cancer patient. Sometimes platelets are so low that the bristles on the brush could tear the gums, which would expose the child to risk of infection.
    • Toothpaste
    • Soft Washcloths
    • Pillow
  11. Healthy Snacks
    • Check with the parents because it depends on the type of care the child is receiving but a gift of fresh fruit (or fruit roll), nutritious snack bars (I like the Once Upon A Farm), or fun smoothie melts (Amara is a great brand) goes a long way for the child and the parents.

For Adults/Caregivers

  1. Leisurewear Clothing
  2. Toiletries/Personal Care
  3. Easy to Slip on Shoes
  4. A Journal
    • Having a place to keep notes whether about their medical journey, or their child’s is helpful, even if it’s just a place to track conversations with the doctors.
  5. Healthy Snacks
    • It’s extremely easy to forget to eat and even if hungry, it can be hard to leave the hospital room. For us, Ambrose had multiple lines coming out of his body and there was a large risk in them being torn out, which would expose him to infection. As a caregiver, I had a hard time taking a shower and brushing my teeth in the bathroom that was attached to his room let alone leaving to grab a bite. Having healthy, filling snacks made a world of difference in navigating the days and all that they could be filled with.
  6. Blanket
    • Soft or weighted blankets are appreciated alternatives to the thin and sometimes scratchy blankets provided at the hospital.
  7. Pillow
    • A supportive pillow does wonders in every day life, it makes a dramatic difference for rest in a place like the hospital.

May your day be filled with what is beautiful and good ~ Caitlyn

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